This episode is about taking the pressure off of self-imposed timelines. Today’s caller, Elizabeth, has a sense of urgency. She feels she needs to get into a relationship and have children. But, at the same time, she is experiencing rejection, ghosting, and men leaving. She thinks she is doing something wrong.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode318]

For whatever reason, we put ridiculous timelines on ourselves. Who knows where they come from society, parents, or our inner critic. We also put unnecessary pressure on ourselves to be or to achieve certain things. And, all the while we’re not really paying attention to what we truly need to be learning. We miss out on the magic that can come from being present and in the moment.

And, enmeshment or co-dependence means that we are a little bit too reliant or dependent on another person to make us feel a certain way. We all want a mother to be the constant source of love and nurturing but we also want a mother to let us go on our way or let us suffer and find our own way.

If we have someone who always rescues us, how do we ever learn to rescue ourselves?

If you are a woman looking for a man and put pressure on yourself to be in a relationship, the holidays can be challenging. So, starting late November or early December, join Stefanos and me for our Be the Queen program. This upcoming event is the last event until next year. Go to ChristineHassler.com/BetheQueen for more information.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

Do you unconsciously put pressure on yourself or others and it is sabotaging you from getting the things you truly want?
Did you have too close of a relationship with your mother or a parent?
Do you feel a timeline or sense of urgency to get married, have babies, or accomplish something at a certain time?
Would you say that you were an exceptional partner to yourself?

Elizabeth’s Question:

Elizabeth feels she is the reason her relationships don’t work out.

Elizabeth’s Key Insights and Ahas:

She feels she can’t get relationships right.
She feels she has been called to have children.
She was very close to her mother, maybe too close.
She is trying to source her love through other people to fill the void.
She clings on to men.
She misses being in a close relationship.
She didn’t develop her own sense of self.
She is scared to voice her feelings in relationships.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

Prioritize loving herself and individuating.
Find her wise inner mother and untangle her enmeshment with her mother.
Look back at past relationships and consider how she could do things differently.
Write a reassuring letter to her future self that everything is going to be alright and then have her future self write back.
Realize it wasn’t her fault that guys take off but she can take responsibility for her part in the relationship.

Takeaways:

Listen to the Coaches Corner interview with Bethany Webster, The Mother Wound.
If you feel pressured to get somewhere, write a letter to your future self and then have your future self write back to you about how everything works out.
If you are in a pattern, ask yourself what wound is it bringing attention to that could be healed.
Join the Be the Queen program.

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Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

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Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram

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EP 318: Take Off the Pressure Cooker wit...