Dr. Kiki Fehling and Dr. Ann Kelley explore how chronic invalidation can shape emotional regulation, identity, and self-worth, particularly for queer and trans individuals. Through the lens of DBT and minority stress, Kiki shares how understanding these experiences can help challenge internalized shame, build resilience, and move beyond simply healing – and make space for authenticity, connection, and queer joy.
“Internalized shame can be healed through community.” – Dr. Kiki Fehling
00:27 Understanding chronic invalidation in parenting and garegiving
02:05 How invalidations lead to emotional dysregulation
04:37 Adult consequences of childhood invalidations
07:00 Invalidation beyond parenting: Queer identity and society
07:59 Minority stress and queer invalidations
14:51 Using DBT to cultivate joy and self-acceptance
23:06 Practical tools: Books and resources for self-directed DBT
Dr. Kiki Fehling (they/she) is a licensed psychologist, author, speaker, and DBT-Linehan-Board-certified expert in Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT). Passionate about making evidence-based mental health information more accessible, Kiki focuses on advocacy and public education around suicide prevention, LGBTQIA+ mental health, borderline personality disorder, and the intersection between mental health and heart health. She is the author of The LGBTQ+ Mental Health Workbook, Self-Directed DBT Skills, and DBT Cards for Coping Skills. Kiki also writes the Substack newsletter How To Queer Joy, volunteers for nonprofits Now Matters Now and WomenHeart, and shares DBT skills and mental health resources across social media @dbtkiki.
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Everyone’s heard of attachment styles – but you likely don’t know how much the popular press gets wrong and what the science actually says about how to improve your relationships long term (including how we relate to ourselves). This course is for anyone wanting to more deeply understand attachment (styles vs patterns), unconscious defense activation patterns, implicit scripts… and most importantly, what to do once you do get activated! Online, Self-Paced, Asynchronous Learning with Quarterly Live Q&A’s! Earn 6 Continuing Education Credits – Available at Checkout.
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Therapists love it, but it’s accessible to everyone. If you aren’t interested in the background science, just start at Part 2 and we will be talking directly to you – it’s fun!