What if the rejection that shapes you most isn't the one the world hands you — it's the one you learn to hand yourself?
Alice is joined by Sabrina Pace-Humphreys — British ultra runner, author of *Black Sheep*, and co-founder of Black Trail Runners, the charity diversifying the UK's outdoor spaces. She grew up the only Black girl in a small Cotswold town; her Afro shoddily cut against a Jackson Five photo because no one knew how to do her hair. But what makes her story land isn't the rejection she survived — it's what healing from rejection trauma taught her on the other side of chasing approval.
"No one else's opinion is any of my business," she tells herself daily — because the only acceptance that holds is the kind you give yourself. She traces a life spent dealing with social rejection by making herself "palatable," and the realization in her 40s that rebuilding identity in addiction recovery is an inside job. She's confident, too, that addiction is not a choice — and that addiction guilt was never the same as blame.
After 18 months training for the Marathon des Sables — sober, a mother of four — she felt something that had always evaded her: pride no one had to grant her, built from resilience earned through all she'd survived.
Whether you're carrying guilt you can't put down or standing at the door of a change you can't yet imagine, this is a raw reframe of what rejection and recovery are for. If you've ever wondered how to heal from rejection trauma, Sabrina's answer is three words: you are enough.
In this episode they explore:
• The earliest memory: a cot, the dark, and a father who threw her back into it
• Growing up biracial in an all-white town, where racial preference ran so deep, she wished her skin and hair away
• Why "I wanted to be white" was the survival logic of an isolated child
• Dealing with social rejection by overachieving — and why the praise never translated
• Addiction is not a choice: getting sober in 2016, and the call that was really a decision to live
• "Connection is the opposite of addiction" — what the 12 steps gave her
• Reclaiming identity in addiction recovery, one sober decision at a time
• A GP's prescription of jogging for postnatal depression, and the day wanting to live got her out the door
• Rock bottom, the Samaritans, and the power of someone saying "I've been you"
• *Start Where You Are* — why the hardest mile is always the first
Connect with Sabrina:
Website: Sabrina Pace – Humphreys
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/sabrina-pace-humphreys/
Instagram: @sabrunsmiles
Books: *Black Sheep* (memoir) and *Start Where You Are: The Beginner's Guide to Running 5K for Women* https://www.amazon.com/stores/Sabrina-Pace-Humphreys/author/B096WMN3B5?ref=ap_rdr&shoppingPortalEnabled=true
Chapters:
00:00 Welcome — meet Sabrina Pace-Humphreys
00:26 The earliest memory: a cot in the dark
03:39 The only Black girl in a Cotswold town
07:57 “I wanted to be white" — survival as a child
11:21 Seeking belonging through overachievement
14:32 Realizing approval was never going to be enough
17:09 Sober in 2016, turning 40, and a start line in the Sahara
21:01 The hardest mile is the first mile
23:03 “I wanted to live" — the catalyst behind every big decision
26:50 Connection is the opposite of addiction
28:22 How to do the first mile: accepting help
31:27 What she'd say to Sabrina in her darkest days
33:10 A starting point for anyone at the edge — the Samaritans
35:37 Black Trail Runners, the books, and the world she's building