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I don’t know what I was thinking. Honestly, I just went to the mall to clear my head. Get a coffee, maybe window-shop. And somehow, I walked out carrying a bag, a new pair of pants, and shoes that I definitely don’t need. I have nowhere to go with a pair of high-heels. It felt good at the time—like I was fixing something. Like the right outfit could magically make everything better. I did fail my exam. I have to face it and wrap my head around it. It’s not the end of the world, I know, but it does feel like it is.
Now that I’m home, it just feels... stupid. The bag is nice, sure, but I already have one just like it. The pants? Tight. Too tight. I knew it in the fitting room, but I convinced myself otherwise. They might fit in two months if I actually stop having late-night snacks, but right now? They’re just sitting on my bed judging me. And the shoes? Beautiful. Completely unnecessary. And overpriced.
It’s not just about the money—though, honestly, I could have used that for something smarter. It’s the feeling underneath it. Like I was trying to fill some weird empty space with shopping bags. And now I’m sitting here surrounded by them, wondering what exactly I thought I was buying. Confidence? Control? A better version of myself?
I do this though, no matter what mood I am in. If I am happy, I go out and shop to celebrate. If I’m sad, I go for retail therapy. I’m tired of this cycle—buy, regret, repeat. Next time I feel stressed, I’m going to the park or I’ll call a friend. I’m not running to the nearest store pretending shopping is the answer.
I just want to start spending my time—and my money—on things that actually matter. Things that still feel good after I’ve brought them home."
