logo
episode-header-image
Yesterday
7m 54s

What To Do When You Hear 'I Love You But...

Dr. Joe Beam & Kimberly Beam Holmes: Experts in Fixing Marriages & Saving Relationships
About this episode

Enjoy the episode? Send us a text!

Have you ever heard the devastating words, "I love you, but I'm not in love with you"? This phrase can feel like an emotional earthquake, like something broke inside your chest, shattering the life you knew and leaving you stunned and confused. If you've heard it, you are not alone, you are not crazy, and this is NOT the end of your marriage.

When your spouse says "I love you, but I'm not in love with you," they are not saying they hate you or have stopped caring. Instead, they are often expressing that the feeling of being in love—the intense emotional pull, the thrill, the spark, the butterflies, and infatuation—has faded or gone. Most people define love by these intense emotions, but these feelings were never meant to last forever. The version of love your spouse might be mourning was simply not sustainable.

What could be fueling this feeling of disconnection? Your spouse might be comparing your steady, imperfect love to a fantasy in their head. This fantasy can be fueled by:
• Stress, burnout, or trauma: Life pressures from career, parenting, or finances can overwhelm their emotional capacity, leading them to go emotionally cold.
• Emotional disconnection: They might have felt emotionally neglected or misunderstood for a long time, causing them to feel numb and mistake this absence of connection for an absence of love.
• Feeling lost themselves: Your spouse may feel they've lost themselves within the relationship, leading to resentment and pulling away not from you, but from the person they've become.
• Emotional entanglement with someone else: They might be comparing the fantasy of a new relationship with the realness and challenges of marriage.

The truth is, the spark they miss CAN be reignited. Not only can it be reignited, but it can be transformed into something stronger, deeper, and more lasting than they've ever imagined.

You may be in deep pain right now, feeling betrayed, unwanted, or replaced. You might even feel ashamed for wanting this marriage to work when others tell you to let go. But your desire to fight for your marriage is not weak or foolish; it is the most courageous thing you can do. And you don't have to do it alone.
At Marriage Helper, we've spent over 31 years helping marriages in the worst possible shape—even when a spouse had moved out, filed for divorce, or fallen in love with someone else. Countless couples have found their way back, found healing, and fell in love again—not the shallow kind, but the lasting kind.

This moment is your turning point. Please go right now to marriagehelper.com/call to schedule a FREE conversation with us about how we can help. It will take courage, commitment, and an investment of time, money, and energy. But what is your marriage worth to you? Imagine waking up one day, looking at your spouse, and saying, "We made it, and we're stronger than ever". That can happen because your story isn't over—it's just the beginning

If you're struggling in your marriage, don’t wait. Get our FREE resource: The 7 Steps to Rescue Your Marriage 👉 https://marriagehelper.com/free

📞 BOOK A CALL WITH OUR TEAM: https://marriagehelper.com/call

🔗 Website: https://marriagehelper.com
📱 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/marriagehelper
👀 TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@marriagehelper

Follow our other channels!
📺 https://youtube.com/@kimberlybeamholmes
📺 https://youtube.com/@drjoebeam


Up next
Jul 9
The SURPRISE Secret to Rekindling Marriage Passion
Enjoy the episode? Send us a text!Are you living with your spouse but feel like you're just living with a roommate? Do conversations revolve only around finances, kids, and chores, rather than the fun and passion you once shared? Many couples experience what's called a "companion ... Show More
12m 38s
Jul 2
How To Ask Your Spouse To Work On The Marriage With You
Enjoy the episode? Send us a text!You want to save your marriage, but your spouse doesn’t seem interested. What now?In this powerful episode, Kimberly Beam Holmes and Dr. Joe Beam walk you step-by-step through how to approach your spouse about working on the marriage—even if they ... Show More
1h 9m
Jun 25
How They Held Their Marriage Together When Everything Else Fell Apart
Enjoy the episode? Send us a text!What happens to a marriage when life doesn’t just get hard—it breaks you?In this deeply honest and emotional conversation, Cassia shares her and Cory’s journey of staying married while raising a medically fragile child, navigating grief after mis ... Show More
51m 1s
Recommended Episodes
Dec 2024
How to Set Boundaries Without Scaring Off a Potential Spouse
➡️ Any questions? Send me a DM via IG at  @MindfulMuslimah  ➡️ Want to become a better version of yourself? Take the 2-minute Quiz for personalized next steps. www. mindful-muslimah.com Get help in Marriage: ❤️ How to Find a Spouse https://www.mindful-muslimah.com/halal-marriage- ... Show More
16 m
Nov 2024
The Danger of Secrets and Neglect in Marriage
Welcome back to the Naked Marriage Podcast with Dave & Ashley Willis! Today, we’re wrapping up our series on toxic behaviors in marriage by diving into the damage that secrets and neglect can cause. We share how open communication and choosing to prioritize your spouse every day ... Show More
25m 40s
Jun 5
Even If Your Spouse Doesn’t Deserve Grace
How do you show your mate kindness when you don't feel like it? Sean and Lanette Reed speak with Jim Daly about how all of us need grace and a chance to grow sometimes. Also, John asks Greg Smalley about how grace has strengthened his marriage. Find us online at focusonthefamily. ... Show More
13m 46s
Dec 2024
Are You Letting Your Past Heartbreak Define Your Future?
➡️ Want to become a better version of yourself? Take the 2-minute Quiz for personalized next steps. www. mindful-muslimah.com Get help in Marriage: ❤️ How to Find a Spouse https://www.mindful-muslimah.com/halal-marriage-halal-dating/ ❤️ How to Save a Failing Marriage - https://ww ... Show More
13m 8s
May 4
What Your Marriage Is Missing | Love Stories | Part 2
Do you feel like your marriage or relationship is missing something? You can’t put your finger on it, but you know something’s not the way it could be. There’s a key to real, lasting love—one that changes everything. Find out what it is in this message.NEXT STEPSHave you made the ... Show More
34m 51s
Oct 2024
#380: There's No Physicality In Our Marriage With No End In Sight. What Do I Do?
Caller Micah's Question: "I’m a recovering porn addict, and my wife and I just passed the 3 year mark of a no physicality phase, with not end in sight. When do I get to ask for the plan going forward? When I ask we get in a fight?....…" // SUBMIT A QUESTION + CALL IN //We'd lov ... Show More
53m 56s
May 1
The Need for a Supportive Couple
If your relationship has been through something traumatic, it's critical to have a couple who will walk with you through your recovery. Jim Daly sits down with Katie and Josh Walters on how they found support through community after their marriage was hurt by an affair. Also, Joh ... Show More
14m 7s
Dec 2024
E168: Secrets to Reignite Happiness And Love in Your Marriage w/Laura Doyle
What if your marriage feels loveless, and divorce seems like the only option? How do you navigate a relationship when your spouse is unwilling to work on it, caught in addiction, or even unfaithful? And is it really possible to reignite the passion and excitement of the early day ... Show More
1h 42m
Aug 2024
Stuck in My Marriage
On today’s episode, we hear about:·      A wife worried her troubled marriage is negatively affecting her daughter·      A father wondering how to set boundaries with his son and daughter-in-law·      A woman struggling to forgive her boyfriend for secretly watching porn  Offers ... Show More
59m 13s
Jun 12
Seeing Life Through Your Spouse’s Temperament
Anyone who's been married for a while will tell you that you and your spouse will have different perspectives sometimes. Dr. Kevin Leman and Jim Daly explain how you need to learn to see things through your spouse's eyes. Also, the Smalley's provide some hope if your temperament ... Show More
13m 33s