READ: ROMANS 7:18–8:2; EPHESIANS 3:14-21
My eyes snapped awake, and I searched inside of myself: Do I still feel the attraction? One second of introspection revealed the dreaded answer: Yes. I’m still attracted to her.
I felt like this shouldn’t be. I was a pastor’s daughter. I led worship and small groups at my church. I loved Jesus as much as I knew how, and here I was: a Jesus-loving-and-fearing woman who was attracted to other women.
I had been in a secret same-sex relationship for months, but I didn’t even call her my girlfriend. We were simply two Christian best friends who loved each other deeply…and yet…there was this sexual aspect to it. I both hated and loved it.
I felt a lot like Paul in Romans 7: “I love God’s law with all my heart. But there is another power within me that is at war with my mind…Oh, what a miserable person I am! Who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin and death?” (verse 22-24).
I knew the answer Paul stated in the next verse. I did not like it: “Thank God! The answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord.”
But how? I questioned God. I love You, but here I am, wrestling with what most Christians do not even call a “sin struggle.” I feel I am automatically categorized as the worst type of human until it is gone. But I couldn’t stop. I could not pray the attractions out of me.
I wish present-day me could go back into that moment, cup my face in my hands, and say some words of hope: Dear one, it’s okay. Everyone has broken sexuality. This is simply your version. Find someone you can talk to about this, who will love you as you are and who will teach you not only to know Jesus’s love but also how to experience it. Then you will be empowered to daily surrender all your brokenness to Him (Ephesians 3:19).
Those words would come to me soon, but I offer them to you today: You are not the worst. You’re simply broken—like everyone else. • Laurie Krieg
• Can you think of a time you felt like today’s author felt, and like Paul felt in Romans 7?
• Do you view people who wrestle with same-sex attractions differently than you view those who struggle with heterosexual lust? Why?
• Why is it important to know that we are all broken and struggling with sin—that we are all desperately in need of Jesus and the forgiveness He extends to us through His death and resurrection? (Daniel 9:9; Romans 3:23-24; 10:9-13) If you want to know more about Jesus and why we all need Him, see our "Know Jesus" page.
• Do you wrestle with shame or self-hatred because of your sexuality? God loves you right now—right here in the midst of your struggles—and He wants to help you. How can you take the next right step to reach out to a trusted Christian who can help you not only know God’s love for you but experience it?
• God created sexual intimacy as a good gift to be shared and enjoyed between a husband and wife within marriage. Though we may experience attraction to people who are not our spouse, we don’t need to act on these attractions, either by pursuing a sexual encounter or by lusting. If we’ve put our trust in Jesus, the Holy Spirit lives in us and helps us follow God’s good ways, regardless of the temptations we face. What a relief! Through the Holy Spirit, we have the power to live godly lives because of His life in us (2 Peter 1:3). Instead of focusing on temptation, He calls us to set our minds on His Spirit in us and His good desires for us (Romans 8:5). When we are facing temptation, it can be helpful to remember that, as Christians, God has already given us the power to say “no” to any sin. And even when we do sin, the Holy Spirit helps us to repent by reminding us of...