In this episode of Life Check Yourself, I sat down with the brilliant behavioral expert and author Tracy Crossley to unpack the real root of relationship crisis. Whether you're stuck in an on-again, off-again dynamic, feeling emotionally unseen, or quietly questioning your future with someone—this is the conversation that will shift everything.
We explore the hidden habits that keep us stuck, the unconscious fear that fuels dysfunction, and how you can finally experience the kind of intimacy and power you’ve always wanted—without playing the blame game.
🎯 3 Powerful Takeaways:
Victim Thinking Blocks Healing
Emotional Intimacy Begins With Responsibility
You Can Outgrow Your Attachment Style
💡 Episode Topics & Time Stamps:
[03:33] Victim Language & “He Made Me” Thinking
“Whenever I hear 'he made me,' it’s always an attachment. It’s always a victim position.”
This mindset limits any possibility of real change. Shifting out of blame and into self-responsibility is the first step to emotional freedom. Otherwise, you’ll keep attracting the same relationship dynamic in different clothing.
[09:17] How Fear Pretends to Keep You Safe
“I had a lot of bullshit excuses, but most of all—I had fear.”
Fear isn’t always loud. Sometimes it’s disguised as logic or control. But what it really does is trap you in indecision, making you believe you’re stuck when you’re actually just scared to want more.
[34:07] What To Do When You’re Always Thinking About The Problem
“You’re in the kitchen, doing dishes…what are your thoughts? They’re on a story about a relationship problem.”
Most of us don’t realize how much mental energy we give to unspoken stories. Tracy explains how interrupting this cycle with awareness and curiosity—not accusation—can lead to more connection than any “fix it” talk.
🔥 Notable Quotes:
🗣️ “You’re punishing yourself when you’re stuck in blame.”
🗣️ “Most people aren’t afraid of being alone. They’re afraid of intimacy.”
🗣️ “If you don’t give your partner space to grow, they’ll stay trapped in the past version of themselves you keep projecting.”
🎯 Why This Episode Matters:
This isn’t just about romantic relationships—it’s about reclaiming the emotional agency you’ve handed over. When you become the chooser in your life, your relationships naturally shift too. The path to peace doesn’t start by changing someone else—it starts by finally seeing yourself clearly.
Connections:
Tracy’s book: https://www.amazon.com/Overcoming-Insecure-Attachment-Recognizing-Relationships/dp/1646042506
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