Guest: Elliott Connie — psychotherapist, best-selling author, and global leader in Solution Focused Brief Therapy (SFBT).
In this episode, Elliott breaks down how asking the right questions can create powerful shifts in healing, relationships, and life direction. With over 20 years of experience, he shows why focusing on strengths and desired outcomes leads to transformation faster than traditional models of therapy.
The questions you ask shape your future.
Change begins by focusing on outcomes, not problems.
Lasting relationships thrive on reciprocity, not blame.
1. The Power of Empowering Questions (04:06 – 08:19)
Instead of asking “Why are you here?” SFBT starts with “What are your best hopes from being here?” This reframes therapy from problem-focused to solution-oriented.
“A conversation about difference will lead towards differences. A conversation about problems will lead towards more problems.”
2. The Three Life-Changing Questions (12:58 – 15:08)
Elliott introduces three essential questions to break free from stuck patterns:
Who am I really?
What do I want?
Who do I need to become to achieve it?
Writing these down sparks clarity and subconscious action toward change.
“You can’t stay the same and expect things around you to get different.”
3. Relationships and Reciprocity (24:22 – 28:51)
The biggest mistake couples make is waiting for their partner to change first. Elliott emphasizes showing up differently yourself and trusting reciprocity to build momentum.
“Anytime you want something from your partner, that’s actually an indicator you’re not doing that for them.”
✨ Notable Closing Insight:
When trapped in the “someday” mindset, ask:
“Suppose your partner never changes, how would you notice yourself being your very best even then?”
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About Elliott Connie
Change Your Question, Change Your Future
Family Therapy
Aha! Moments Podcast with Elliott Connie