Many of us are quick to label ourselves as an “introvert” or “extrovert” — but have you ever wondered if this is actually representative of your most authentic self? In this episode, Sarah explores the role trauma plays in shaping our relational identity. Whether you fawn, withdraw, feel drained by connection, or are known as the “life of the party,” this episode will help you to begin distinguishing what patterns might actually be a result of unresolved trauma.
Through a powerful blend of science-backed modalities, Sarah breaks down what it really means to connect from regulation, not self-protection. She shares how to begin listening to your own internal rhythm of connection and solitude, how to recognize protective parts when they show up, and how to gently guide your system back to safety, so that you can experience deeper, more fulfilling relationships.
Episode Highlights
00:00 Intro
01:24 Connection Is a Primary Human Need
08:23 Being an Introvert from Past Relational Trauma
12:26 Why We Find Some Connection Exhausting
18:19 Being an Extrovert from Past Relational Trauma
21:31 Connection Coming from Survival
23:21 How to Become Your Most Authentic Self
26:17 Who Do You Enjoy Connecting With?
28:06 Finding Safe Environments
30:02 Anchoring in Your Adult Self
32:09 Disconfirming Experiences & Leaning Into Discomfort
34:22 “I Become a Verbal Firehouse in Social Settings”
38:30 “Why Do I Constantly Blush?”
42:04 “How Do I Navigate Awkward Silences?”
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Important Keywords:
Nervous System Regulation - The process of supporting your autonomic nervous system to return to a balanced, calm state. This is essential for feeling safe, connected, and present in your life and relationships.
Trauma - Trauma is the overwhelm of activation (energy) experienced in our bodies, in the face of helplessness. If we do not have the conditions necessary for trauma to process through our bodies, it becomes stuck and stored, leaving lasting emotional, physical, or psychological imprints. It disrupts the nervous system causing chronic dysregulation, disconnection, and/or hypervigilance.
Parts Work – A therapeutic approach (e.g., Internal Family Systems) that explores different parts or aspects of the self and their roles in emotional healing.
Fawning - This is not a state in the nervous system but a self-protective behavioral response that can happen in any state of dysregulation. It often looks like over-agreeing, over-giving, avoiding conflict, or becoming what you think others want you to be in order to feel safe or loved.
Dysregulation - Active self-protection that occurs when the nervous system believes we are in danger, whether it is a real or perceived threat. Chronic dysregulation is often a result of unresolved trauma and can significantly impact daily functioning.
Attachment - The emotional bonds we form in early life and carry into adulthood that influence how we relate to others. Sarah references the insecure attachment styles (anxious, avoidant, and disorganized) that lead us to seek or push away connection as a way to maintain safety.
Somatic Healing - A body-based approach to healing that works with the nervous system to discharge stored trauma and create internal safety. Sarah’s entire approach is rooted in this method, helping people heal through embodiment and felt experience.