Ever wonder why the relationships with the most potential sometimes feel the hardest? In this episode of You Make Sense, Sarah unpacks the ways in which romantic partnerships often trigger our deepest wounds—and how they can also become the most powerful spaces for healing.
Sarah dives into the role our nervous system and parts play in unconsciously shaping the way we show up in love, and what we can do to begin building more safety, intimacy and trust in our partnerships. Backed by the latest neuroscience and trauma research, this episode will help you step toward deeper connection and transform your relationships.
Episode Highlights
00:00 Intro
01:09 Why We Struggle in Our Relationships
05:59 How Do We Choose the People We Choose?
06:52 Ways Safe, Healthy Partnerships Support Us
12:32 The “Good” Doesn’t Always Feel Good At First
17:28 Parts Work and Leaning into Exposure
20:53 Understanding Resistance to Vulnerability
24:35 Tools to Step Toward Vulnerability & Intimacy
29:28 The Rupture and Repair Process
35:38 Navigating Different Perceptions in Relationships
48:10 Anxious Attachment and Avoidant Attachment Dynamic
Navigating Your Nervous System is Now Enrolling:
Ready for more tangible tools to heal at the nervous system level? My 6-week live course, Navigating Your Nervous System, is open for enrollment through January 17th. Click below to learn more.
https://bit.ly/sp-nyns
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Important Keywords:
Neuroception - Neuroception is the subconscious process through which our nervous system detects safety or danger in our environment. It operates automatically, scanning both internal and external cues to determine if a situation is safe, dangerous, or life-threatening, which deeply influences our emotional and relational responses.
Autonomic Nervous System - The nervous system is our body’s command center, regulating everything from basic functions to complex emotional states. In relationships, its state determines how we perceive safety, connection, and danger, impacting our ability to connect.
Vulnerability - Vulnerability is the act of allowing ourselves to be seen fully, including our fears, emotions, and imperfections. It is essential for building intimacy and trust, but it often feels risky because it exposes parts of us we’ve learned to protect.
Attachment Styles - Attachment styles are relational patterns shaped often in early childhood that dictate how we connect with others. The common styles—secure, anxious, avoidant, or disorganized—impact our ability to feel safe, express needs, and navigate intimacy in adult relationships.
Intimacy - Intimacy refers to deep emotional or physical closeness, where two people allow themselves to be fully seen and known. It goes beyond surface-level connection, requiring trust, presence, and a willingness to share vulnerable parts of ourselves.
Rupture and Repair - Rupture and repair describe the natural process of disconnection and reconnection in relationships. While ruptures are moments of conflict or disconnection, repair involves addressing the issue, rebuilding trust, and deepening the relationship’s safety.
Safety - Safety in relationships means feeling emotionally and physically secure with another person. It creates a foundation for vulnerability, intimacy, and trust, allowing individuals to show up fully without fear of judgment or harm.
Healing - Healing is the process of addressing unresolved wounds and past traumas that influence our current behaviors and perceptions. In relationships, healing occurs when we create safe spaces to experience love, trust, and connection that our past may have lacked.