Defining Boundaries
- Boundaries are behaviors that communicate what we will and will not tolerate from others.
- Think of boundaries as a door to your safe space that you control—deciding whom to let in or out.
Types of Boundaries
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Physical Boundaries: Cover personal space, touch, and eye contact preferences.
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Affective Boundaries: Reflect the ability to empathize without being consumed by others' emotions.
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Cognitive Boundaries: Allow individuals to maintain their own beliefs and perceptions.
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Environmental Boundaries: Relate to personal belongings, space, and time shared with others.
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Relationship Boundaries: Define who you choose to spend time with and how you engage with them.
The Impact of Healthy Boundaries
- Healthy boundaries make you feel safer and more supported, helping reduce stress, improve immunity, and enhance emotional well-being.
- They contribute to better sleep, less anxiety, and improved cognitive clarity by reducing external interference.
Evaluating Boundaries
- Periodically evaluate your boundaries to ensure they are appropriate. They should not be too rigid or too weak.
- Overly rigid boundaries can lead to isolation, while weak boundaries can overwhelm you with others' issues and demands.
Handling Boundary Violations
- When boundaries are violated, it’s important to assertively communicate your needs and set limits.
- You have the power to refuse to rescue or enable harmful behaviors and to protect your emotional and physical space.
Types of Boundary Violators
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Benign Strangers: People you may not know well, but who do not pose immediate threats. You can engage with them cautiously, possibly learning from them.
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Burglars: Narcissists, sociopaths, or manipulative people who try to rob you of self-worth, confidence, and sometimes material things.
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Children: Those who respond immaturely to not getting their way, throwing tantrums until they get what they want.
Boundary Maintenance
- Keep an eye on how your boundaries evolve in relationships. Boundaries with trusted people may become more open, while those with untrustworthy individuals should remain firm.
- Use assertiveness to communicate your boundaries clearly, ensuring others understand your limits and respecting their own.
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