logo
episode-header-image
Aug 2024
34m 3s

Episode 323: The Most Common Sex Fights,...

DR. JUSTIN LEHMILLER
About this episode

Sexual conflict is inevitable in long-term relationships. It’s virtually impossible for partners to always be erotically in synch with one another at all times over the course of many years together. That’s why everyone fights about sex from time to time. In today’s show, we’re going to explore the most common sexual conflicts that arise in long-term relationships, as well as practical tips on how to solve them.

My guest is Dr. Elisabeth Gordon. She is a board-certified psychiatrist who specializes in sexual health. She maintains a New York City based private practice and is also an educator, speaker, researcher, and writer dedicated to advancing sexual health. She has taught at multiple academic institutions around the world, and is a frequent commentator on sexual health topics in the popular media.

Some of the topics we cover in this episode include:

  • What’s the most common sex fight?
  • What should you do when one partner wants more sex than the other?
  • How do you tell your partner that you want them to initiate sex more often?
  • What are some ways to tell your partner that the sex you’re having isn’t meeting your needs?
  • How do you deal with a selfish lover?
  • What should you do when masturbation and/or porn use become conflict areas in a relationship?

You can check out Elisabeth’s website to learn more about her work.

Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.

***

Thank you to our sponsors! 

Whether you’re just a few dates in or have been together a long time, it’s time to lighten the mood and have fun with your partner by using Paired. Head over to paired.com/justin to get a 7-day free trial and 25% off if you sign up for a subscription.

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on FacebookTwitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on AppleSpotifyGoogle, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Up next
Yesterday
Episode 412: When Did People Start Practicing Kink And BDSM?
Ever since Fifty Shades of Grey hit the scene, it seems as though kink and BDSM have become ubiquitous in popular media. But here’s the thing: just because kink went mainstream in the last decade or so doesn’t mean that it’s new. In fact, the roots of BDSM trace back centuries. A ... Show More
34m 53s
Jul 4
Episode 411: Debunking Myths About Men’s Sexuality (Essential Listen)
Men’s sexuality is often described as being pretty simple. Sex is seen as being easy for guys because they’re always in the mood and sex is just a physical thing for them. The reality of male sexuality, however, is far more complicated, and we’re not doing anyone any favors by ov ... Show More
39m 15s
Jul 1
Episode 410: Is Porn Use A Problem In Your Relationship?
One in five couples report that porn has become a problem in their relationship. So why is porn such a common source of conflict, and what can we do about it? In today’s show, we’re going to explore how many people in relationships use porn, what fights about porn are really abou ... Show More
39m 56s
Recommended Episodes
Mar 2025
Your Guide to Better Sex, Intimacy, & Love From a World-Leading Sex Therapist
In this episode, you are going to learn how to have amazing sex, deeper intimacy, and create real, lasting love. If you feel like intimacy with your partner is rare, your desire is low, or that your marriage is even sexless, this conversation is for you. Here to deliver the most ... Show More
1h 20m
Jul 2024
465: Not Having Enough Sex In Your Relationship?
Sex can become deprioritized as a relationship progresses. Less sex may be a result of many different factors that if they are left unaddressed, can lead to relationship dissatisfaction and even breakup. Listen to today's show to learn more about how to improve your sex life star ... Show More
37m 7s
Feb 2024
#59 - Sex, Anxiety, and Sex Anxiety
If our sex life doesn’t match the steamy scenes from the movies, it can bring up a lot of anxiety: “am I with the right partner sexually?” “are we having enough sex?” “is our sex passionate enough?” etc. And the ironic part is that all the pressure we place on ourselves and our s ... Show More
1h 20m
Sep 2022
Navigating Mismatched Libidos With Sexologist Shan Boodram
Today's Hot Topic conversation finally tackles a common theme among our Shandies' relationship questions over the last 2 years: What to do when one partner wants to get frisky way more than the other? Shan Boodram, our esteemed expert joining us today, could not be more qualified ... Show More
1h 9m
Jun 10
When Sex Feels Like a Chore: Reclaiming Pleasure and Connection
In this episode of the Sex with Emily podcast, Dr. Emily teams up with Dr. Scott Lyons, a licensed holistic psychologist and trauma expert, to tackle one of the most common relationship challenges: when sex starts feeling like just another item on your to-do list. From exploring ... Show More
36m 38s
Jul 2024
#1 SEX Doctor: For Better Orgasms Do THIS, Less Sex Can Be Better, Dr Karen Gurney
Follow to help grow our incredible community! In this episode of "Exhibit A," Abbey Clancy delves into the complexities of sex and relationships withThe Sex Doctor, Dr. Karen Gurney, a leading clinical psychologist and psychosexologist.  Dr. Gurney has over 20 years of experience ... Show More
1h 32m
Apr 16
Why Do My Partner And I Have Different Sex Drives
Explore the common relational challenge of mismatched sex drives in partnerships, emphasizing that differences in sexual desire are normal and often rooted in individual biology, life stage, or emotional dynamics. Rather than seeking a “right” or “normal” amount of sex, the hosts ... Show More
51m 19s
Mar 2025
Initiating Sex After a Dry Spell
Initiating sex, dry spells, and mismatched libidos: the Hotline Calls are open, and your sex questions are answered! Today’s sexual concerns are especially relatable: I’m willing to bet you’ve experienced one of these yourself.Let’s start with orgasms. When you can only get off i ... Show More
34m 6s
Dec 2024
Hotline Calls: Unlock Your Best Orgasm Yet
In this episode I take calls from our Sex With Emily Hotline and we get into it! Your questions include: What to do if you masturbate but can’t orgasm during sex, the best ways to meet people and date when newly sober, and what happens when your partner’s sexual fantasy creates i ... Show More
56m 50s
Dec 2024
290 | We’re Only Getting Better: Six Years of Sex Stories
A mailbag episode of questions and celebrations, plus Kimberly joins Wyoh for reflections on six years of sex podcast learnings.  00:00 What we’ve learned about human connection10:04 How we’ve noticed people relate to sex17:08 What Kimberly has learned about herself23:48 What Wyo ... Show More
1h 45m