This coaching call is about getting out of the loop of needing reassurance. Today's caller, Michele, does not feel safe in relationships and asks her partner for constant reassurance. If you have jealousy, worry, or anxiety in relationships or situations, you will find value in today's episode.
[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode428].
There are times when we have insecurity or concerns in relationships. During those times, it is reasonable to go to our partner and ask for reassurance. That is within the range of a healthy relationship. But when we find ourselves in a perpetual loop of needing reassurance constantly in order to feel relief and love, it is because we don't feel safe.
When we really feel love, it is beautiful and amazing and it is also terrifying. We have to acknowledge that it is risky and there will be things about it that will scare us. But when we recognize the risk and fear, if we greet the scared part of us with compassion and love, we can stop the fear from running the show. When we see the loop for what it is and take self-honoring actions, we take ourselves off the hamster wheel and stop abandoning ourselves.
Breaking the loop is a huge act of self-love and self-care. It's never our partner's job to heal us, but they can have an active role in understanding our wounding and being compassionate and patient with us as we heal.
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Consider/Ask Yourself:
Are you in a safe situation, relationship, or career but you're afraid you're going to lose it?
As a child, were marriage and relationships not modeled to you in a great way?
Do you need constant reassurance or otherwise, you feel unsettled?
Do you judge that part of you that needs constant reassurance?
Michele's Question:
Michele asks for guidance on how to stop needing reassurance in her new relationship.
Michele's Key Insights and Ahas:
She has a compulsive need for reassurance.
She doesn't feel safe in relationships.
She fears abandonment.
She was blindsided by her ex's infidelity.
She's been jealous in her relationships.
As a child, she didn't have good models of relationship.
Her brother left home at a young age.
She feels a deep connection with her new partner.
Her partner reassures her often.
She gets frustrated with herself about her need for reassurance.
She fears she will manifest the ending of a relationship.
She believes she should have outgrown her fear by now.
How to Get Over It and On With It:
Have compassion when the part of her that needs control comes up.
Ask herself if her fear is substantiated.
Recognizing when she is in a loop will help break the cycle.
Draw a diagram of her cycle of fear with exit routes.
Be gentle with the scared parts of herself.
Enjoy her relationship.
Takeaway:
Draw out a diagram of what perpetuates your cycle of fear and give yourself exit routes.
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Resources:
Christine Hassler — Take a Coaching Assessment
Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner
Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler
@ChristineHassler on Instagram
@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram
Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services
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