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Most professionals agree that narcissists can’t change.
I don’t believe that’s true. I believe narcissists can change.
Today, I want to share with you why I disagree, the three caveats of narcissism, and the guidelines that will help you determine if your narcissist is redeemable.
This isn’t based upon statistical information or popular psychology, but rather my own opinion and experience.
I’ve seen a lot of narcissists in my day.
I’ve experienced first-hand personally and professionally the damage that a narcissist can do to your physical, emotional, mental, and even your spiritual health. In many cases, there can be lifelong side effects.
For me to make such a bold contradictory statement, let me break down, informal levels of narcissists, and help you determine if your narcissist is redeemable, or beyond hope.
3 (Informal) Types of Narcissists: Ignorant, Arrogant, and Malignant
The ignorant narcissist is typically unaware of their destructive behaviors. They are likely emotionally immature and have not been taught properly.
This doesn’t excuse their behavior, but there’s some hope here, with a big ‘if’ attached (and we’ll get to the if in a moment.) Think of these ignorant narcissists as children.
The arrogant is another level up. This narcissist recognizes their wrongdoing, yet continues to make decisions that only work in their favor.
Arrogant isn’t limited to the overt narcissist. Arrogant simply describes the lack of care that a person has regarding their actions.
This narcissist likely knows exactly what they’re doing and doesn’t care unless it impacts them. More on that in a moment.
The malignant narcissist is the most troublesome of all. This narcissist is solidified in their beliefs that life is all about them and they will trample anyone in their way and they don’t care who it impacts. These people are highly abusive and derive pleasure from hurting others.
They will stop at nothing to lie and manipulate to get what they want.
While many people in narcissistic relationships jump to the assumption that their narcissist is malignant, please understand that this is a very, very small percentage of the narcissists out there.
Now that we’ve broken the levels of narcissism down, let’s look at how likely your narcissist is to change.
There’s hope IF…
· Their life is impacted in a negative way.
· There’s a risk that they’ll lose something that’s important to them. For example, your love, time, affection, money, companionship, etc.
· They are an ignorant or arrogant narcissist.
Remember, narcisissts are very self-centered individuals. They only care what’s in it for them.
This is where your boundaries can prove helpful.
They will often fall in line, albeit reluctantly, if there is a great risk of loss for them.