"In every block of marble I see a statue as plain as though it stood before me, shaped and perfect in attitude and action. I have only to hew away the rough walls that imprison the lovely apparition to reveal it to the other eyes as mine see it." (Michelangelo) One of the greatest scultors created unsurprassed masterpieces---The Pieta, David, Moses among others. He was a master at taking a block of inanimate material and bringing it to the highest artistic fulfillment.
I was thinking about this great work and something popped into my mind about the narcissistic mother who endeavors with all of her force to create the perfect child---her golden one. Some are chosen to play this role; others are not.
Many a narcissistic parent has become obsessed with molding a tiny baby into a perfect vision. This works beautifully with art using clay, marble and alabaster but it is a disaster with little children.
Were you the chosen one, the one who was ignored, the golden child dethroned, the child who was hidden in the bunch, the child who got into a lot of trouble with mom because you insisted on being yourself? There are innumerable patterns in these narcissistic, highly dysfunctional families.
Some children respond positively to the prodding of their highly ambitious narcissistic mothers. These mothers are restless creatures. Mother is relentlessly at work. Day and night she is plotting and thinking about the magnificence of the end product when the curtain parts and her creation is at center stage.
If one daughter does not go along with the transformation project, she will discard her and pick another child. The abanded daughter has a hard time because she has lost her mother's attention and is no longer in a psychological state of her mother's grace. But those who tough it out can be blessed because they bucked the force of the narcissistic mother's disturbed contorted vision. Rather, this daughter is an individual with many unique gifts.
Narcissistic mothers will always be with us as well as narcissistic daughters. Our work is to recognize the true nature of the high level narcissists in our families and to assert and honor the immutable authentic, creative self that is grounded in truth and integrity.
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