538 Coming out as poly to your kids

South African correspondent Erich Viedge interviews sex educator Casey Blake for tips on how to talk about your poly relationships and your general polyamory with your kids:

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So excited to bring you another piece out of South Africa. The audio line wasn’t the best, but we hope the great interview shines through!

Casey Blake is a South African sex educator who helps parents to break the silent taboo of speaking about our lives in ways that can make a difference for our children. She founded What Now Counselling in 2013 to provide a variety of services to help people cope with the life, when the first words that come to mind are "What Now?" and runs workshops on how to have “the talks” about sex and relationship with kids.

South African correspondent Erich Viedge interviews Casey Blake to ask about how to come out to his own kids, and she recommends a few things:

• Don’t insist on being the source of all correct information—be willing to say you don’t know or to ask them what they think.
• Ask them what do relationships mean to you?
• If your kid discovers you have a date outside your marriage, ask them what they think about that? What does “date” mean to you?
• When we are silent about things, it teaches our children that they can’t talk to us. Bring stuff up, even out of the blue—it teaches them that they can also bring up unspoken things or ask questions after a while.
• It’s OK to teach that sex is nice/pleasurable, and that’s why the door is closed.
• An easy answer is to ask what do you think. For example, if your kid asks what you do on your date with your girlfriend, ask them, “what do you think?” Don’t let your internalized shame get in the way of communication with your kid.
• Ask the children for the information they’ve got in a conversational manner: where did you hear that? What do you think? (Listen, breathe and try not to laugh!) Pixelate what needs pixelating.
• Being ignorant makes your kids susceptible to danger.
• You can’t talk with your children about something you are ashamed they know you’re doing.

You can find her on Facebook at Tools for Having The Talks - with Casey Blake or on Facebook at Body-Positive Parenting - with Casey Blake

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