logo
episode-header-image
Aug 2023
44 m

How to Drop Happily Ever After and Do Re...

Dave Asprey
About this episode

IN THIS EPISODE OF THE HUMAN UPGRADE you’ll learn how to recognize your own sh*t and be a better partner in relationships. 

Want a sustainable partnership? Communicate and apologize; fight without fighting; identify codependent behavior (your own); and manage jealousy (also your own). 

This conversation gets into how you can let go of unrealistic ideals of how you think love and relationships should be and live fully in the present. You’ll also get tips on how to be emotionally responsible to people you love every day.

Guest John Kim, a licensed marriage and family therapist, as well as a life coach, cracks his life into two big pieces… split on either side of what he calls “the great divide” of his own divorce several years ago. He did the whole “get a tattoo and a Harley” thing to find his way.

He also combined what he learned in therapy school with life coaching and technology to be mobile and create online communities. He became known as an unconventional therapist, seeing clients at coffee shops, on hikes, or in a CrossFit box. He’s built a devoted following of fans who love the frank and authentic insights that he—as “The Angry Therapist”—freely shares on social media. TikTok’s his jam, with over 450K people tuning in for his “shot glass” bits of life wisdom.

In his book, written with his romantic partner and fellow therapist Vanessa Bennett,  John takes a different (honest, humorous, raw) approach by dissecting his own relationship dynamic to bring clarity to yours. Each part of “IT’S NOT ME, IT’S YOU: Break the Blame Cycle, Relationship Better” gives you questions to ask yourself and practices to do. It’s a book that pushes you into doing and putting your newfound knowledge to IRL use. 

Here’s a sneak peek at a few of the Love Lessons (In a Shot Glass) you’ll find in “It’s Not Me, It’s You.”

  • Love is not a battlefield. Your head is. 
  • If someone is unsure about you, it’s never worth the investment.
  • Hold love, don’t grab it.
  • Don’t stop believing (be Journey).
  • Love is what teaches us how to live.


See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Up next
May 22
Ayurveda Meets Biohacking: 5000-Year-Old Medicine Secrets for Modern Stress | Mona Sharma : 1284
This episode reveals the ancient health protocols Western medicine forgot, and how they are now being used to heal stress, rewire the nervous system, and radically improve human performance. Watch this episode on YouTube for the full video experience: https://www.youtube.com/@Dav ... Show More
59m 11s
May 20
The Biohacker’s Guide to CIA Mind Control & Brainwashing : 1283
You’re being programmed, and it’s more subtle and pervasive than you think. From invisible influence to psychological manipulation, this episode shows you how to recognize when your thoughts aren’t really yours. Host Dave Asprey uncovers the hidden science of mind control with Ha ... Show More
1h 3m
May 16
Military Tech Goes Public: Think 30% Faster with This Brain Hack | Geoffrey Woo : 1282
Your brain runs slow when it’s running on the wrong fuel. In this episode of The Human Upgrade, Dave Asprey sits down with Geoffrey Woo, Stanford-trained computer scientist and founder of Ketone-IQ, to reveal the high-performance brain fuel once reserved for Special Forces and el ... Show More
1h 26m
Recommended Episodes
Sep 2024
ICYMI: This Will Change How You Date — Figuring Out What You Want In A Partner, And How To Show Up As Your Best Self, with Relationship Coach Lauren Zoeller
Welcome to today’s ICYMI, where we kick off the week with a quick game-changing tip from one of our guests that you might have missed. Dating can be the BEST. But it can also be THE WORST if you’ve been on the hunt for “the one” for a while. Whether you’re newly single or a seaso ... Show More
7m 30s
Feb 2025
E136 - Jillian Turecki: How To Find Love, Keep Love & Become Love
Relationship expert Jillian Turecki reveals how to overcome the blocks that ruin relationships and begin crafting your love life from within. Jillian shares her personal journey, detailing the pivotal moments of miscarriage and divorce that transformed her perspective on love and ... Show More
1h 13m
Mar 2025
How To Believe You Are Worthy Of The Love You Desire | Jillian Turecki
I'm going on tour! Come see The School of Greatness LIVE in person!Get my new book Make Money Easy here!Relationship expert Jillian Turecki delivers a masterclass in authentic love that challenges conventional wisdom about partnership in today's divisive world. Through vulnerable ... Show More
1h 25m
Jan 2025
9 Hard Truths About Love That Will Change Your Relationships Forever | Jillian Turecki
Renowned relationship coach and author Jillian Turecki delivers a masterclass in understanding the complex dynamics of modern relationships, drawing from both professional expertise and deeply personal experiences. Through raw and honest discussion, she reveals how our childhood ... Show More
58m 45s
Apr 9
Relationship Expert: How To Date To Find The Person You Want To Marry
Get my New York Times Bestselling book, Make Money Easy!What if the only destination for dating is marriage? Senior pastor Stephen Chandler unpacks his transformative "Relationship Roadmap" approach, challenging our modern dating culture with refreshing honesty. Stephen shares wh ... Show More
1h 24m
Apr 2024
#364: Heal Your Deepest Pain & Live Happily No Matter What w/ Matthew Hussey
In this episode, I'm joined by Matthew Hussey, a New York Times bestselling author, speaker, and coach specializing in confidence and relational intelligence. Matthew discusses the transformative power of authenticity and vulnerability – highlighting how personal struggles ca ... Show More
1h 26m
Nov 2024
Lori Gottlieb: 7 Answers to Dating Questions You’re Afraid to Ask & How to Break Free from Relationship Timelines
Have you ever felt stuck in a negative relationship cycle? Have you ever struggled with setting boundaries in your relationships? Today, Jay welcomes back a community favorite, the renowned psychotherapist, bestselling author, and podcast host Lori Gottlieb, for an insightful cha ... Show More
1h 23m
Mar 2025
3 Steps To Building A Healthy Relationship
Get my New York Times Bestselling book, Make Money Easy!Navigating the battlefield of modern love requires mastering both vulnerability and boundaries, as revealed in this powerful relationship wisdom episode featuring three of today's most insightful voices. Former Bachelor star ... Show More
1h 11m
Dec 2024
#428: Community Member Coaching Sessions: Healing Childhood Wounds to Create a Life of Fulfillment
This episode offers a transformative glimpse into a coaching session with Kelly Pedrini —  a Create The Love Community™ member who shares her journey of grappling with self-worth, unmet desires, and the longing for deeper connections in her life. Together, we uncover how childhoo ... Show More
1h 40m
Dec 2024
EVEMAS (24) Terri Cole on Codependency in Relationships, Attachment, Emotional Resilience, Self Control, and Healthy Relationships
Welcome to EVEMAS DAY 24; If you are new here, EVEMAS is a series I began where I upload an episode everyday from December 1st until December 25th. Through this series, we will cover all topics involving becoming the best version of yourself possible in a very realistic and relat ... Show More
47m 12s