Jeremy Pollack, PhD, argues that most workplace conflicts cannot be resolved by negotiating solutions alone. Before people can solve a problem together, they must first feel understood, respected, and heard. As he explains, conflict resolution has "two parts": "There's care, and then there's solution." When organizations skip the first, they often leave the underlying conflict untouched.
Much of the conversation focuses on the psychological needs that drive conflict beneath the surface. Promotions, compensation, authority, and recognition are often the visible issues, but Jeremy explains that they are usually attempts to satisfy more fundamental needs for safety, belonging, positive self-concept, autonomy, engaging activities, and purpose. Identifying which need feels threatened helps leaders address the real source of disagreement instead of debating symptoms.
The discussion also examines why some destructive workplace behaviors persist despite feedback or mediation. Jeremy explains that power over others is not a universal human need but may reflect deeper unmet needs for significance, belonging, or security. In these cases, conflict resolution alone is often insufficient. Lasting change requires personal insight and sustained psychological work.
Jeremy also revisits Maslow's hierarchy of needs. While he agrees with Maslow's description of human needs, he argues that people pursue them simultaneously rather than in sequence. The conversation explores how unmet needs, including the need for challenge or novelty, can quietly influence career decisions, and why recognizing those patterns allows people to satisfy them in healthier, more deliberate ways.
A particularly practical section explains why conflict often feels so personal. Jeremy notes that "our brains are predictive processing machines." Rather than responding only to what another person says or does, we respond to predictions shaped by previous experiences. That helps explain why two people can interpret the same conversation or email in completely different ways.
The conversation concludes with a practical approach to reconditioning our response to conflict. Instead of automatically associating disagreement with threat, Jeremy argues that people can learn to approach conflict as an opportunity for learning, understanding, and stronger relationships. He also recommends using AI as a private coach to brainstorm ideas, role-play conversations, and explore different approaches while avoiding AI-generated messages that replace authentic communication.
Key insights from this discussion include:
Address the relationship before the problem. "There's care, and then there's solution."
Look beneath stated demands to identify the psychological need driving the conflict.
Many workplace conflicts reflect threatened needs for safety, belonging, autonomy, or esteem rather than the issue people are arguing about.
Question your first interpretation. Past experiences often shape present reactions more than current events because "our brains are predictive processing machines."
Use AI to prepare for difficult conversations, but rely on your own judgment and voice when communicating with others.
Jeremy closes with a hopeful reminder that humans are "wired for peace" more than conflict. While we are capable of defending ourselves when necessary, our strongest biological inclination is toward cooperation, trust, and healthy relationships—provided we create the conditions for them.
Get Jeremy's book, Wired for Peace, here: https://tinyurl.com/yh3ke5v5
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