What happens when a coaching client does not realise that the frustration, resentment or overwhelm they are carrying is actually pointing towards a boundary that has been crossed?
In this episode of The Coaching Crowd Podcast, we explore how to coach boundaries in a way that feels practical, ethical and deeply human. Boundaries can sound simple on the surface, but in coaching conversations they often reveal something much more complex. They connect to values, relationships, communication, emotions, beliefs, burnout, people pleasing and the way clients understand their own needs.
We begin by reflecting on what boundaries really are. We describe them as the guidelines that help other people understand how to be in relationship with us. They communicate what we are comfortable with, what we are not comfortable with, how we want to be treated and what matters to us. Yet many of us rarely define our boundaries clearly, even for ourselves.
Throughout the conversation, we explore why boundaries show up so often in coaching. A client may come to a session saying their manager keeps giving them unrealistic deadlines, or that a friend, partner or family member is asking too much of them. They may not use the word boundaries at all. Instead, they may talk about feeling angry, resentful, exhausted, overwhelmed or close to burnout. As coaches, these emotional cues can help us gently notice where a boundary may have been crossed.
We also discuss the different types of boundaries that may be relevant in coaching. These include communication boundaries, emotional boundaries, time boundaries, physical boundaries, energetic boundaries and professional boundaries. Breaking boundaries down in this way can help clients move away from a broad, abstract concept and begin to understand what is actually happening in their day to day lives.
A central theme in this episode is the idea of a boundary audit. What boundaries does the client know they have? Which boundaries have they never consciously established? Who knows about those boundaries? So much conflict and confusion can arise because boundaries are assumed rather than communicated. We may expect others to behave as we would, only to feel hurt or frustrated when they do not.
We also explore the reality that setting a boundary can create change in a relationship. If a client has always been available after work, always said yes, or always taken responsibility for other people's needs, then communicating a new boundary may come with a cost or consequence. Coaching can provide the safe space needed to explore those consequences, prepare for them and understand what support the client may need.
Another important part of the conversation is the difference between boundaries and control. A boundary is something we set for ourselves. It clarifies what we will allow, what we will not allow and what action we may take if that boundary is crossed. Control, on the other hand, is about trying to dictate what another person must do. Helping clients understand this distinction can be powerful, especially when they are navigating complex relationships or workplace expectations.
We also talk about permeable boundaries. Some boundaries are firm, while others may be more flexible depending on the situation. For example, a client may have a boundary around not working in the evening, but occasionally choose to respond to something because it feels right in that moment. This can be useful, but it can also create confusion or drift. Coaching can help clients explore whether they are acting from choice, pressure, fear or habit.
Towards the end of the episode, we share coaching questions that can support boundary exploration. Questions such as "What boundary are you currently avoiding?", "What are you protecting?" and "What would be the hardest boundary for you to enforce?" can help clients connect with what they need. We also explore the use of metaphor and visual thinking, helping clients imagine boundaries as walls, screens, dotted lines, protective bubbles or something entirely personal to them.
This episode is a reminder that coaching boundaries is rarely about giving clients a script for saying no. It is about helping them understand their values, recognise their emotional signals, explore their beliefs, process the discomfort and build the confidence to uphold what matters to them. Healthy boundaries create clarity, safety and more sustainable relationships, both personally and professionally.
Timestamps
00:00 | Introduction to coaching boundaries
00:06 | Why boundaries are showing up in coaching conversations
00:24 | What do we mean by boundaries?
01:34 | Defining boundaries for ourselves
02:10 | How to recognise when a boundary has been crossed
03:41 | Communication preferences and boundary breaches
04:45 | Different types of boundaries
06:40 | Using a wheel of life style approach for boundaries
07:23 | The idea of a boundary audit
08:40 | How assumed boundaries create confusion
09:42 | Communicating boundaries in relationships
10:30 | The cost and consequence of creating a new boundary
11:19 | Signs a client may need stronger boundaries
12:20 | Boundaries, people pleasing and burnout
13:38 | Values, needs and emotional reactions
14:25 | Temporary, flexible and permeable boundaries
15:57 | How permeable boundaries can create confusion
17:28 | The risk of boundary drift
18:20 | Boundaries versus control
19:20 | Upholding boundaries and managing consequences
20:13 | Beliefs that make boundaries difficult
21:55 | Shame, difficulty and emotional safety
22:43 | Coaching questions for boundary exploration
23:28 | Exploring hard and achievable boundaries
24:57 | Using metaphor and visual coaching tools
26:57 | Emotions Coaching Practitioner training
Key Lessons Learned:
Keywords:
How to coach boundaries, Coaching boundaries, Boundary coaching, Healthy boundaries, Emotional boundaries, Professional boundaries, Communication boundaries, Time boundaries, People pleasing and boundaries, Coaching questions for boundaries, Values and boundaries, Boundaries versus, control, Emotions coaching, Coaching clients with overwhelm, Coaching burnout, Coaching emotional wellbeing,
Links and Resources:
Emotions Coaching Practitioner Training: https://igcompany.com/emotions-coaching