Meghan Riordan Jarvis was a practicing psychotherapist when she found herself devastated by the loss of her two parents. She suddenly saw she was no different from those she helped, but she still needed outside support to recover. In this Blue Sky episode, she describes how this realization led her to become an expert about grief and an advocate for all of us to learn about this important and challenging part of life.
Chapters:
02:20 Journey to Psychotherapy
Meghan shares her personal journey into psychotherapy, beginning with a ‘normal breakup’ that led her to seek therapy. This experience uncovered an unacknowledged childhood trauma, sparking her interest in understanding human behavior and emotions.
06:30 From Teacher to Campaign Manager
Meghan recounts her early career, which included earning a master’s degree in early childhood education and a brief stint as a campaign manager in D.C. This period of professional uncertainty, coupled with a dissolved relationship, propelled her further into therapy and solidified her path towards psychotherapy.
09:17 Experiencing Grief Firsthand
Meghan discusses her personal experience with grief after losing both parents, particularly the sudden death of her mother. Despite her professional expertise, she found herself profoundly destabilized, experiencing traumatic grief that mirrored the struggles of her own patients.
13:04 Clinician’s Fury at Personal Grief
Meghan recounts her frustration and ‘fury’ as a psychotherapist experiencing severe personal grief, realizing her education didn’t shield her from its intensity. Her inpatient trauma treatment revealed the profound difference between theoretical knowledge and the embodied experience of loss.
15:55 Bridging Mental and Physical Health
Meghan advocates for dissolving the cultural divide between physical and mental health, highlighting how societal biases hinder seeking help for grief. She draws parallels between adolescent growth and the transformative, often messy, process of grieving, emphasizing its physical and mental impacts.
21:38 Grief as a Transformative Process
Meghan explains how grief, though painful, can be a transformative process leading to ‘traumatic growth’ and new purpose. She details her Grief Mentor Method, a personalized approach to developing daily practices and tools like the ‘grief EpiPen’ to manage intense emotional and physical responses to loss.
26:50 Normalizing and Processing Grief
Meghan emphasizes the importance of normalizing grief and understanding it extends far beyond crying. She introduces the ‘grief mentor method,’ which focuses on physical system connection, distinguishing between nervous systems, nourishing practices, storytelling, and connecting with external support, including ‘finding your five’ to test sharing your story.
31:56 Grief in Education and the Workplace
Meghan highlights the physical impact of grief on the body’s 12 systems, citing statistics on increased heart attack risk for widowers. She passionately advocates for integrating grief education into schools and professional training, noting the lack of comprehensive grief studies in psychotherapy programs and the need for better workplace support.
39:24 Supporting Grievers: Practical Tips
Meghan offers practical advice for supporting someone in grief, emphasizing collective effort and long-term planning, ideally for a year or more.
46:30 Megan’s Resources and Farewell
Bill Burke reviews Meghan’s diverse offerings, including her memoirs, ‘Can Anyone Tell Me Essential Questions about Grief and Loss?’, her podcast ‘Grief is My Side Hustle,’ and her corporate and online courses. Meghan details how individuals, helpers, and leaders can access her work via her website and Instagram.