Welcome back to Sex Is Medicine, your number #1 resource for holistic sex education. In this episode, Alaina and Devi draw on their combined 27 years of expertise to answer a listener's question: "Can you practice tantra as a same-sex couple?"
The answer is "Of course!", and here are a few things to consider:
- It's essential to distinguish between authentic, lineage-based Tantra (real Tantra) and Neo-Tantra. Authentic, lineage-based Tantra involves energy body yoga and meditation, whether practiced sexually or non-sexually, and whether done individually (solo) or in partnership.
- The concept of "polarity" in Neo-Tantra creates a lot of confusion for Queer folks. The concept of "polarity" is not found in authentic, Buddhist lineages of Tantra. The concept of "Polarity" as it relates to sexuality was introduced to the Neo-Tantra industry by author David Deida. David Deida's teachings are not sourced from or associated with an authentic Tantric lineage. In short, the concept of polarity is not a concept present in authentic Tantra. It has no relevance in the practice of actual Tantra.
- Same-sex relationships are very congruent with the original roots of Tantric Buddhism, which were revolutionary, transformative, and transgressive. In examining the roots of Tantric Buddhist sexuality, studies reveal the concept of "Pandikas"—people who are trans, gender non-conforming, or engage in same-sex relationships. There is a historical reference recognizing non-cis, non-heteronormative relationship structures.
- In some cultures, such as Chinese Taoist, women-to-women relationships were well-supported and celebrated. In contrast, in others, such as Roman and Spartan societies, male-to-male relationships received similar acknowledgments.
Authentic, lineage-based Tantra for same-sex couples can incorporate all of the same methods and practices as used for heterosexual couples.
Same-sex couples can use meditation, yogic breathwork, communication, and pleasure methods to enrich, balance, and heal the energy and physical.
For queer men, women, and non-binary folks, heart-centered tantric practices can help improve relationships by healing wounds inflicted by Patriarchy, allowing individuals to foster loving relationships with themselves, their partners, and their environment.
Tantra is a spiritual technology that has been transmitted from one human heart to another for millennia. Tantra is designed to support the liberation of body, mind, and sex for all human beings, without a single exception.
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With Love,
Devi and Alaina