In this rant: par-asocial relationships with disasters, CRSSD music festival recap, the return of termite city, Christina Aguilera at Barry’s, 5th annual pumpkin day, the Diddy x Beyoncé conspiracy theory, Lana Del Rey’s marriage to an alligator tour guide, Chappell Roan discourse, Harlequin by Lady Gaga, and Chimp Crazy on max.