When someone says thank you, who is it for? According to Dr. Sara Algoe, expressions of gratitude have a positive effect on the person receiving the message, the person delivering it, and even those who witness the exchange. These types of social interactions are crucial for building lasting relationships with romantic partners, friends, and coworkers.
"When we say 'thank you,' we're sending a message to the person who just did something nice for us, that they are valued, that they're seen, that the thing that they did for us was worth doing in the first place," Algoe says.
Expressing gratitude is easy, and the research shows that the benefits far outweigh the effort.
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SARA ALGOE:
Sara Algoe is an associate professor of social psychology and the director of the Emotions and Social Interactions in Relationships (EASIR) Laboratory at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill. Dr. Algoe's research focuses on themes of emotions, relationships, and health psychology. She is particularly interested in how high-quality relationships contribute to the survival of our species, and the role that social interactions—such as giving, gratitude, and laughter—play in the bonds we form with partners, friends, coworkers, and acquaintances.
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TRANSCRIPT:
SARA ALGOE: When we get into a romantic relationship, it's all sparks, and flowers, and hikes, and coffees. But over time, the romantic couple gets into routines. And so what we've argued is that the moments of gratitude still matter, because when we say "thank you," we're sending a message to the person who just did something nice for us, that they are valued, that they're seen, that the thing that they did for us was worth doing in the first place.
NARRATOR: Thank you. We often take the power of it for granted, but it's fundamental to keeping your relationship healthy. And letting your partner know that you appreciate them can resonate throughout whole communities.
ALGOE: I'm Dr. Sara Algoe, and I study the emotions and social interactions that are at the heart of our very best relationships.
We do have really cool evidence from hundreds of video-recorded conversations where we had romantic couples in the lab. One person just picks something that their partner had done for them recently, and we had them express gratitude to their partner.
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