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Sep 2024
38m 28s

Ask Leslie About Sex

Leslie Vernick
About this episode
Resources:
Leslie's Quick Start Guide
"She Deserves Better" by Sheila Gregoire
"The Great Sex Rescue" by Sheila Gregoire

Questions answered in this episode

Can Women Offer Affection Without It Being Interpreted as a Sexual Invitation?
  • Women may hesitate to show physical affection due to fear of it being seen as an invitation for sex.
  • It’s important to communicate intentions clearly when offering hugs, kisses, or other forms of affection.
  • An effective way to set boundaries: “I love being close to you, but I don’t always want it to lead to sex.”
  • Men should understand that affectionate gestures are not always signals for sex; ongoing dialogue is key.
Is It Wrong for a Woman to Fake Orgasms?
  • Faking orgasms can erode trust and intimacy in a relationship.
  • Honest communication about sexual desires and experiences is essential.
  • If a woman is not in the mood for orgasm, she should express this openly: “I want to be close to you but don’t expect me to reach orgasm.”
  • Focus on connection and mutual pleasure rather than performance.
Are There Biblical Boundaries for Sexual Practices?
  • Certain practices, such as extramarital sex and harmful activities, are considered off-limits.
  • Biblical teachings emphasize respect, mutual consent, and preserving the sanctity of sexual relationships.
  • Open dialogue about preferences and boundaries helps maintain a healthy relationship.
What About Covert Forms of Marital Rape and Coercion?
  • Covert marital rape can involve emotional or spiritual coercion, where consent is not freely given.
  • True consent involves the ability to express desires and boundaries without fear of negative consequences.
  • If coerced into compliance, seek professional help and support to address these issues.
Is Masturbation a Concern in a Marriage?
  • There is disagreement in the church on this topic. 
  • Masturbation can be a natural part of sexuality and may not necessarily indicate problems in a relationship. 
  • It’s important to discuss personal needs and expectations about masturbation within the context of the marriage.
  • Addressing how masturbation affects the relationship openly and respectfully can lead to greater understanding and alignment.
My Wife Never Liked Sex but She Married Me—What Should I Do?
  • Feeling deceived when a partner’s sexual preferences or desires differ from expectations can be challenging.
  • It’s important to address these concerns openly with your partner and seek to understand each other’s needs and boundaries.
  • Consider couples counseling to explore these issues in a safe, guided environment.
  • Building a supportive relationship where both partners feel heard and valued is crucial, even if sexual desires do not align perfectly.
How Should We Handle Long-Term Relationship Repair and Growth?
  • Long-term relationships, like homes, require regular maintenance and repair.
  • Addressing emotional, physical, or relational damage is crucial for maintaining a healthy relationship.
  • Prioritize well-being and safety; if a partner’s behavior consistently harms the relationship, consider seeking therapy or reevaluating the relationship.
Final Thoughts
  • Marriage and intimate relationships involve navigating various challenges and dynamics.
  • Clear communication, mutual respect, and honest dialogue are essential for a fulfilling and healthy relationship.
  • Seek support and resources to address issues and build a stronger partnership
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