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Have you ever been so fed up with a narcissist's behavior that you just wanted to call them out, tell them off, and expose their lies? Hold on!
Before you take that leap, you need to know something crucial. What if I told you that calling out a narcissist will backfire in ways you never imagined? In this blog, we’re diving deep into why confronting them is a bad idea, what they’re likely to do in response, and the surprising alternative God has for you.
But first, I want to share a story about Brenda. Brenda came to me years ago, overwhelmed by the realization that not only was her mother manipulative, but her 32-year-old daughter exhibited severe narcissistic traits. For years, Brenda believed her mother’s lies, thinking she was damaged and disrespectful. She took on the responsibility of trying to make her daughter more respectful and appreciative, never realizing the true nature of their behaviors.
When Brenda finally understood what was really happening, she was ready to confront both her mother and her daughter. With her daughter, she wanted to share what she had learned about narcissism, hoping to open her eyes and stop the abuse. But with her mother, Brenda was done. She was fed up with the lies and the blame that she had suffered her entire life. She saw through her mother's manipulative, gaslighting tactics and was determined to let her know she was onto her.
“She’ll have no choice but to stop once she knows I’m onto her,” Brenda told me confidently. “Brenda, are you sure about that?” I asked. “Yes, why wouldn’t I be? Now I know, and she needs to know that I know,” she insisted.
Despite my advice to proceed cautiously, Brenda confronted both her mother and her daughter. She was loving but firm, ready to set the boundaries she had rehearsed in her mind for a week. But then, something unexpected happened. Both discussions spiraled into a toxic quagmire, leaving Brenda drained, confused, and feeling out of control.
“What went wrong?” she asked me, bewildered. “I was loving with my daughter and firm with my mother. What happened? It’s like it backfired on me.”
I kept my mouth shut with the thought "I tried to warn you" lingering in my mind. Brenda’s situation is, unfortunately, all too common.
Whether your narcissist is a conniving coworker, a manipulative mother, an entitled child, or a childish spouse...
You've likely reached a point where you finally have a name for what you've been experiencing. You finally understand that their behavior is just as destructive as you sensed it was. You're done beating yourself up and you're ready to call it out. You're ready to call out the lies, the inconsistencies, the exaggerations, the half-truths, the manipulations... You're done holding it in. If there's any hope for them to change, if there's any hope to keep your sanity, you feel you have to say something.
Maybe you simply want to point out the contradictions in their stories so you can both finally get on the same page. Maybe they consistently say one thing one day and the complete opposite the next. Maybe your husband blames you for him having to work so hard, despite how many times you’ve begged him to retire because “he loves what he does.” So you ask, which is it… you love what you do, or you're doing this because I’m making you? The truth is, the answer is whatever suits that moment, whatever makes them look like the hero and the victim. Neither is true and both are true. But since they can’t take responsibility for themselves an