I have no cares in the world [Book Excer...

This is a writing from my book Everything Changed When I Forgave Myself 🌱

"Youthful days are treasures and it has nothing to do with age.

Still young, I guess, but I remember younger days.

Wide-eyed on every bus to nowhere,

everywhere,

finding melodies and stories,

people to love and lose

and I opened up in different ways.

Shared made-up pasts, shaped and designed to tell and sweep away

like the poet that I am

they tell me.

Why tell them about me, when I can tell them about a different me?

... but life grows you ignorant. 

I’m walking on an empty country road 

somewhere in Sweden 

and I have no cares in the world. 

I’ve fought and I’ve tried. I’ve seen things, I think to myself

but I’m not happy with what I did or made of myself

and I have no cares in the world.

I spit over my shoulder, get drunk on empty roads 

in the middle of the day,

lying on fields in the cold,

cursing how little I grew; how I did not make it.

and I bought new shoes back then, a while ago,

but still wear my old ones.

no money in the bank, no birthday parties to get things wild

for a little while.

I have no cares in the world.

Time taught me to love old things. I’m collecting rings and jewelry and I wear them with tenderness, feeling holy, meditating by the water, in the forest, creating rituals to reach something higher, higher, higher ---

I want to get higher or deeper, somewhere different than this plain, static sense of existence. 

Love does the job. traveling too. writing does it. music. 

also art, whisky, dark-colored flowers and watching the landscape change in October. Driving on a small road somewhere in Italy with a beautiful boy and I don’t want to be anywhere else in the whole wide world than right there, with him, in that very car, smiling.

But I close my eyes for one second and the moment is gone. I’m back to getting high on empty roads somewhere in Sweden and I’m the loneliest girl in the whole damn world and I just want all things beautiful. I just want the music, the literature, the art and the moments of driving in a car with a beautiful boy in Italy.

but here, alone, I have no cares in the world. 

I have no cares in the world. I just want it all to be beautiful."