TW: rape. “If you want me to hurt you, please let me hurt you” is what Emma (29 bisexual poly American femme, married to her husband who she’s been with for 8 years and in a long term relationship with her gender nonconforming girlfriend) says about her ability to take a bottom apart and put them back together again. But she has a sweet, soft, subby side, too. In fact, Emma likes to be the “ice cream” in the ice cream sandwich of her king-sized bed, which she often shares with her husband and girlfriend/future wife. Sex shame originated in her Catholic Appalachian upbringing that wasn’t information-forward when it came to sex, and it was only after meeting her husband that she found resources for better birth control. But she was kinky as far back as she can remember, making lists of things to “do” to her dolls that concerned her sweet mom plenty. She found her parent’s sex toys under the bed when she was pretty young and started to put the pieces together, and noticed in middle school that her fantasies about what she wanted cute boys to do to her were more intense than the romance fantasies of her friend group, and while her parents have always been full of love for her no matter who or how many people she’s dated (even if her mom, who is *not* a submissive with a 50’s housewife kink which Emma knows because she asked), but recognizing her own queerness wasn’t obvious for her, in spite of the fact that she was utterly captivated by a vagina-owner she met in high school, her now partner, and she shares about how her understanding of her own queerness, Top self, and gender identity were affected by body dysmorphia and the dainty mainstream norms of “femininity.” We get high school details of her long-distance kinky, cupcake-smearing explorations and the pokey hips of virginity loss, made possible by a family reunion. We hear about her true switch self, getting turned on by both sides of being restrained, especially by rope, and hear how she developed as a rigger, and why she doesn’t bottom (rope or otherwise) as much as she’d like…for now. We talk about the details of their kind of poly—with fewer moving pieces and google calendars, and how satisfying this version is. Emma also shares her complicated, sometimes unpopular opinion on rape and the societal pieces that make it so complicated to talk about, reflecting upon her own experience. And she’s a fucking *champ* at details of all kinds, we talk pleasure specifics, play parties, anal, oral, future fantasies and more.
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