logo
episode-header-image
Jun 2022
50m 51s

How to Keep Friendships From Imploding |...

10% Happier
About this episode

New episodes come out every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for free, with 1-week early access for Wondery+ subscribers.

---

“The quality of your relationships determines the quality of your life.” 

These words from the legendary Esther Perel have the power to genuinely change your outlook on life. But while it’s easy to hear them and immediately have your mind go to family relationships or romantic relationships, today we’re going to talk about friendships. Friendships can be massive contributors to mental health. They can also, when they go pear-shaped, be the source of abundant misery. 

Today’s guest is the legendary Esther Perel. Her resume is beyond impressive: She is a psychotherapist and New York Times bestselling author of books such as Mating in Captivity. Her TED talk has attracted more than 30 million views. She is fluent in nine languages. She is the host of the popular podcasts Where Should We Begin? and How’s Work? And her latest project is called Where Should We Begin - A Game of Stories with Esther Perel. 

In this episode we talk about: 

  • How the pandemic has impacted our friendships
  • Esther’s contention that “love and commitment and intimacy don’t just belong to the world of romantic couples”
  • What makes friendship unique, in good ways and tricky ways
  • What to consider when determining whether to confront a difficulty in a friendship
  • How to conduct a self-assessment of yourself as a friend
  • How systematic we should be about cultivating and maintaining our friendships
  • How to reconnect with friends authentically
  • Whether or not we can have platonic friendships across the gender spectrum
  • How to handle friendships when you’re in a romantic relationship, including friendships you share, friendships with those with whom your partner doesn’t get along, and friendships with exes

Content warning: There are some brief references to sensitive topics, including suicide. 

*Esther Perel invites you and a colleague to apply for a session with her that will be part of the new season of her podcast How's Work? Her team is looking for work pairs, co-founders, colleagues, managers, or any combination to join her for a session to explore the future of work together. Apply here.

Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/esther-perel-464

Up next
Today
The Science Of Manifestation: Can This Stanford Neuroscientist Convince A Skeptical Dan To Give It A Shot? | Dr. James R. Doty
Six practical steps to harness the full power of your mind. Our guest today is James R. Doty, a neurosurgeon who has just written a whole book about the science of manifestation – although, as you’ll hear him admit, there’s very little ‘magic’ involved in his process. James R. Do ... Show More
1h 16m
Jul 7
Ezra Klein On: Sane News Consumption; The Power of Meditation; The Future of the Species; And the Message of His Tattoo
On maintaining sanity in insane times. Ezra Klein is an opinion columnist and host of the award-winning Ezra Klein Show podcast at The New York Times. His latest book is Abundance, co-authored with Derek Thompson. He is also the author of Why We’re Polarized, an instant New York ... Show More
1h 15m
Jul 6
How Meditation Can Help You Handle Injured Feelings and Injured Muscles | Dawn Mauricio
Plus: How to build a meditation practice you keep coming back to. We’re in the midst of an exciting evolution of the overall 10% Happier project. In our quest to make this podcast more actionable – to help you operationalize all the game-changing ideas you encounter on this pod – ... Show More
24m 38s
Recommended Episodes
Jan 2022
Friendships
The past two years of the pandemic have brought to the forefront a lot of issues that have strained or even broken our friendships. As we emerge from months when you may have lost touch with friends and are eager to reconnect, it is important to think strategically about maintain ... Show More
56m 8s
Dec 2021
How To Have Successful Relationships with Esther Perel
Modern love comes with an unprecedented list of expectations. Relationships can of course be a source of amazing connection and joy, but they can also be really hard. We want our partner to be our best friend, lover, confidant, coworker, therapist, and so much more. We want from ... Show More
1h 6m
Nov 2022
175. A Conversation on Cultivating + Creating DEEP Adult Friendships with 2 Bad Bitch Friends
Does making friendships as an adult feel so impossibly out of reach, especially as a woman? Guess what: it’s not only possible, but I can tell you how to make it happen.  I can’t do it alone, though…so I’ve invited Michelle Panning, host of the Unfuck Your Relationships podcast a ... Show More
1h 4m
Apr 2024
How to Make Life-Changing Friendships | Spotlight Convo
In our disconnected world, are you longing for deeper bonds and a true sense of belonging? Discover how to cultivate extraordinary friendships, nurture healing communities, and transform the way you show up in relationships. This powerful episode brings together three trailblazer ... Show More
1h 4m
Feb 2024
How to Make "Life-changing" Friendships (and why they matter) | Rhaina Cohen
What if your closest friendships were just as significant as your marriage? My fascinating guest Rhaina Cohen, author of The Other Significant Others: Reimagining Life with Friendship at the Center, reveals compelling research on how profound platonic bonds can provide the same f ... Show More
54m 37s
Mar 2023
Ep. 3 What Does Friendship Actually Mean? ft. Peyton Jord
In today’s episode, Vereena invites her guest Peyton Jordan to discuss the topic of navigating friendships. The two delve into the importance of self-care, setting boundaries, and cultivating healthy friendships. They share personal experiences and offer practical advice on how t ... Show More
1h 4m
Aug 2021
How To Have Successful Relationships with Esther Perel
How To Have Successful Relationships | This episode is brought to you by Rupa Health, Athletic Greens, and Cozy Earth Modern love comes with an unprecedented list of expectations. Relationships can of course be a source of amazing connection and joy, but they can also be really h ... Show More
1h 11m
Oct 2022
The Science of Connection and Why We Should Deeply Value Our Friendships. With Dr. Marisa Franco
Dr. Marisa Franco is a New York Times bestselling Author, Professor, Psychologist, and self-proclaimed friendship expert. Marisa discusses the science of connection — and the importance of platonic friendships. Her new book is called Platonic: How the Science of Attachment Can He ... Show More
39m 50s
Apr 2021
How to Build Exceptional Relationships and Why You Should with David Bradford and Carole Robin #177
I believe that in many ways, the quality of our relationships determines the quality of our lives. Good quality relationships help us with our physical health, our mental health and our happiness. Today, I’m delighted to welcome two fantastic guests who are experts on how we can ... Show More
1h 59m
Oct 2021
126. Qualities of a Healthy Friendship: Part 2
In this episode, I’m finishing up my conversation with my best friend Ebony regarding all things friendship. We’re continuing to answer your questions about these relationships, and we’re giving our advice on some common friendship issues that can arise.  Some points we’ll discus ... Show More
1h 1m