And so, in step with our culture, a lot of the things that you hear talked about when it comes to the difficulties of married life have to do with one of the partners being bothered by the actions or attitudes of the other partner.
As a result we hear complaining - we hear wishes of the things that the other spouse would do differently - and I think while that’s totally understandable, it is NOT the approach we as believers in Christ should be taking.
This episode is all about THAT - what do you do when it comes to your spouse’s personal weaknesses? My contention - you should love them not only in spite of those weaknesses, you should also love them IN those weaknesses.
Listen to this episode to hear my explanation.
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It was 8 to 10 years into my marriage before Iearned a very important truth about the way I’m supposed to love my wife. It has to do with those things that my spouse struggles with personally.
I'm talking about struggles here, things that give her a hard time in life - like in the securities and fears and doubts she feels, you know, those kinds of things that plague all of us but that we don't always readily want to admit to other people.
You know you get to see those in your spouse better than you get to see them in anyone else. And as time goes on you get to learn what it is that pushes their buttons…
Instead of being bothered by those things, instead of being perturbed or irritated, or complaining - we as believers in Christ have a great opportunity to really care for our spouse in a proactive way when it comes to those things.
Take the time to listen to this short episode to find out how you can do that - how you can help your spouse in those very areas of personal weakness that plague them the most - by your effective use of proactive love.
Getting ourselves in a position where we're mindful of the struggles our spouses have, knowing the things that are hard for them is a great opportunity for us to help them overcome those very things that plague them the most.
What we need to do is to love them in a way that tries to help them with those very issues ahead of time. I can give you an example or two from my experience - and my wife does not mind me sharing this with you because she shares this with people all the time. It’s one of the examples she often shares to enable others to understand what it is to be human and how we fight our own failings and our own insecurities day after day after day in order to better follow Christ.
And so here's is the example when we first married.
My wife had this tendency to be very very concerned about what people thought of her. You know…
That may sound extreme but if we are honest we know that we all struggle with that sort of thing from time to time - we all have that sort of desire to please people. And with my wife, I had begun to notice that and how sometimes it became almost debilitating.
She could be struggling with an insecurity, she could be struggling with some situation and it caused her to doubt herself - it caused her to to wonder if she was truly wise in the LORD. It caused her to have all kinds of questions about herself.
When I began to notice how hard it was for her, the LORD gave me an idea. I was to help her know the TRUTH about what He was doing in her, about the gifts of wisdom and insight He had given her, by encouraging and affirming her in those very areas.
It served as a counteractive force against the insecurities she was feeling so that eventually, she could begin to believe and act on the truth.
This episode is about that - learning about your spouse’s weaknesses for the sake of helping them overcome them. Listen - please, listen. This could change your marriage.
When Jesus died on the cross, He did so in part to love us IN our weaknesses. Before we were even born - think about that - we were on His mind when He was on the cross.
No, we did not deserve His love, we did not have any sense in which we were competent in and of ourselves - yet Jesus came to die for us, to love us ahead of time because He knew the need we were going to have.
Our love for our spouse is to mirror the love of Christ for His church. We are able through His strength to NOT be irritated by our spouse’s personal weaknesses or insecurities, or the same old struggles that they might go through again and again and again. Instead, we have an opportunity. to minister to those areas of need, those areas of weakness - we have an opportunity to help for them overcome those things in a proactive way.
I hope this concept is striking a home with you.
Because I know we all, throughout the course of our lives, feel various times of irritation with our spouse. And it's in those moments that we have to learn, we have to remember, that Christ in us wants to help our spouse, He actually wants them to grow out of the struggle to be a person who overcomes BECAUSE OF His power in their life.
And that can be done, in part, by the way we love the mess our spouse can be in at times.
No, instead, we hold out hope for them. We rest in the fact that Christ is not finished in with the work He's is doing in them - and that we as their spouse are one of the primary tools He will use to enable them to overcome those very struggles that are so bothersome to us.