logo
episode-header-image
Jun 2020
17m 54s

"I Can't Breathe." 6 Ways to Approach He...

KIRK MARTIN
About this episode

When approaching conversations about heated/emotional topics, there are probably 10 tips I could offer. But for now, I will offer six. This assumes that you want to build relationships, learn, and be constructive.

(If you just want to spout your opinion and don't care what emotional shape you leave another person in, then just do what 99% of people on tv and in your neighborhood do.)

1) Humility. Practice great humility. Assume you don't know all the facts, that you don't really understand the other person's perspective or experience. Assume that you're blind and have confirmation bias, that you consume opinions and viewpoints that merely reinforce your own (without even realizing it).

Assume that you will be defensive about your own deeply held beliefs. Because you will be, naturally. But fight that urge.

Assume that you don't really have the answers and that your reflexive, go-to response/opinion is probably informed by too little knowledge even though you feel justified in offering it.

2) Listen and ask questions. Often we are so busy composing our reply to the other person's views that we don't actually listen.

Be more curious about what the other person thinks than you are anxious about sharing your own thoughts.

3) Never, ever attack another person's motives...unless you want yours attacked. Few things feel worse than being misunderstood. Don't make it personal. Take the high road.

4) Assume that you're not going to convince the other person that you are right. Because you probably aren't. And that shouldn't be your goal anyway. A more mature approach is to have a desire to better understand others AND give them some perspective to think about and wrestle with in their own minds and hearts.

But if you are an overbearing jerk, or callous, or dismissive, or arrogant, they will not hear "truth" or consider your viewpoint. Why do you feel the need to prove your point? Why does this burn so deeply inside us as humans? Spend some time considering that.

5) Before you try to take the speck out of your neighbor's eye, first work on that big log in your own. Instead of trying to fix or control another human being, work on yourself. Own your own mess. That would keep each of us pretty busy every day. It's a full-time job for me.

6) Love your neighbor as you love yourself.Treat others the way you want to be treated. Listen to that other person the way you want the other person to listen to you. Care for their heart, their soul, the way you want yours cared for. Respect that person's son, daughter, mother, or father the same way you want them to respect your son, daughter, mother or father.

If you and I don't do this one right, then any words or lectures or testimony about your faith ring hollow, are destined and deserved to be despised, and harm another person's soul and heart.

Relationships are more important than being right.

Please share this podcast and our Facebook page at https://www.facebook.com/CelebrateCalm/

Want more content like this? Join our newsletter by texting CELEBRATECALM to 22828 or visit https://www.celebratecalm.com

If we can help you in any way, please reach out to Casey@CelebrateCalm.com

Up next
Nov 2020
Why Obedience is NOT the Highest Goal
Why Obedience is NOT the Highest Goal For Your Kids  Of course you want your child to listen to and trust in God. But sometimes compliance to parents can be arbitrary and reinforce a law-based approach that isn't healthy. Kirk shares a unique perspective on even higher character ... Show More
20m 59s
Dec 2020
How You Discipline Can Determine How Your Kids View God (Kirk's Testimony)
How You Discipline Can Determine How Your Kids View God (Kirk's Testimony)  My Dad was fairly harsh, intimidating, and never seemed pleased with me. It's not surprising then that I've struggled with my view of God. That, in turn, impacted how I disciplined Casey. And how he viewe ... Show More
24m 42s
Feb 2021
Why Your Goal Shouldn't Be "Obedient" Children
Why Your Goal Shouldn't Be "Obedient" Children Parents often say their primary objective is for their kids to be obedient or "warriors for the Kingdom." But what if this is the wrong focus for your kids? In this challenging, but insightful podcast, Kirk provides clarity and clear ... Show More
23m 56s
Recommended Episodes
Oct 2024
#221: The Prodigal Son
Jesus tells a series of three parables about the lost sheep, the lost coin, and the lost son. Clearly God is a God who longs to be reunited with those who are separated from Him. The story of the prodigal son is one that gives an intimate look into the heart of a Heavenly Father ... Show More
13m 55s
Nov 2023
When to Give Grace
Is your teenager pushing you away, leaving you feeling frustrated and helpless? When you’ve been shut out, grace can open the door! In this insightful episode, Mark Gregston and Wayne Shepherd dive into the powerful combination of consequences and unconditional love. Discover how ... Show More
15m 30s
Jan 2025
A Prayer for the Parents of a Prodigal Child
The truth of the matter is that your child may be choosing to live in a manner that is displeasing to you, but there are consequences for choosing their own way and not obeying God and His will (Colossians 3:25). Sometimes our children need to learn that the hard way and may even ... Show More
7m 26s
Sep 2024
Teen Stories: Worthy of Love
Struggling teens sometimes push others away — often starting with their parents — because they don't feel like they're worthy of love and acceptance. If this sounds like your teen, don't stop trying! In today's show, Mark sits down with two young men at Heartlight ... Show More
19m 47s
May 19
The Prodigal Sons
For centuries this famous passage has been called the parable of the prodigal son. But it’s a great mistake to think it’s a story about one son. It’s a story of two sons, of a younger and an older brother. If you don’t compare and contrast the two, you’re going to miss the radica ... Show More
40m 50s
Apr 22
Was this child a mistake?
What happens when a child called a "mistake" grows up to lead a movement serving 65,000 kids? Can a letter really change a life? For Jonathan, it did. This week on the Candace Cameron Bure Podcast, Jonathan shares the full story about how one heartfelt note from his sponsor becam ... Show More
1h 1m
Mar 2025
Ep. 218 | Gospel-Driven Parenting
Is your ultimate goal in parenting to lead your children to Christ, but you aren’t sure how? Are you looking for ways to weave Gospel-centered truths into your daily conversations and make Jesus the cornerstone in your parenting? Join Ginger Hubbard and Alex Cody for another edit ... Show More
26m 10s
May 2024
When Children Move Out - 213
It's hard to picture your active toddler moving out. But it happens faster than you can imagine. Letting go of our children as they venture into adulthood is a bittersweet journey that all parents must face. This transition involves understanding how children naturally seek indep ... Show More
30m 41s
Jan 2025
The Role of Discipline in Building a Stronger Bond with Your Teen
Join Mark Gregston and Wayne Shepherd as they share practical advice on effective discipline while fostering a strong parent-child relationship. They emphasize the importance of setting clear expectations, maintaining open communication and collaborating with your teen. Learn how ... Show More
13m 44s